thanks!

I seriously hate finding old notebook/diaries that I used to write in when I was younger. They're not so much cute to read as they are just overwhelmingly mortifying. I only started actually having an ok personality around the time I hit college (and it ain't even that great now, amirite?). Before all that, I was a pretty awkward/unfunny individual. So back on topic, every once in awhile I'll stumble upon some old notebook I used to write in and it's always a cringe-worthy experience trying to flip through it. I used to have a terrible habit of starting a short story and then get about 4-5 pages in and just stop. You flip to the next page and there's just a different story there, but sometimes I'll just draw a big X at the bottom of the page - what I can only take to mean "hmm... this isn't working".

To give you a sample of the type of shit that used to actually come out of my brain, I recently found one particular notebook from 1999 (making me about 11 years old at the time).

Here's a letter-inside-a-story that I wrote for a short aptly titled "Paradise Island":

Dear Ms. Smith,

We would like to inform you about a new discovery in fun. It's called Paradise Island. It's where kids that are around your age can stay for summer vacation, but then you come back in time for school to start. The best part is it's absolutely free. Included is a map of how to get there and for any other information please call 1-800-Paradise-Island. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Martin McGrath
Manager and Founder of Paradise Island

I included a MAP showing you how to get there. A DISCOVERY IN FUN? I'm talking about it like it's SCIENCE! New development in cancer research? No. But we've figured out how to make fun MORE FUN. Other little things I enjoy: the founder made himself a manager, the phone number is about 7 digits too long. Not to mention how bizarre it is that this Martin McGrath character is offering free trips to young girls.

I also found another unfinished short story about this band that was really "popular" (whatever that means?). To make up for the story being terrible, I managed to come up with the most hardcore band name ever: Dragon Rage. So of course after I read the story, I totally looked Dragon Rage up to see if a band with that name actually exists. And the answer was more than I ever could have imagined:

Dragon Rage on Myspace

And I would assume that this is exactly what the Dragon Rage I dreamed up in my head would be like. Their about me: "We are the band Dragon Rage. We are the next great thing to happen to the world of music. We are currently not making any songs or albums. We are sorry for the inconvenience. We will be up and running as soon as we can."

I get that this is super awkward and all, seeing how i'm an awkward individual - well awhile back i made a list of the top ten films of the decade. I thought i'd put more sass into it though so i made a stupid video, complete with pixie dust. I know, my opinions are SO BAD and yeah yeah, my hair and face were sorta messed the FUCK up. I'm not going to embed, because the preview image is essentially a spoiler (!!!!!) so just click the link below. Well, here we go bitches.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8DETagjhgM

Weird story. I originally started playing piano when I was seven years old, I got pretty good - used to occasionally compete, and I wasn't bad by any means... but as I got older, I stopped playing as much, and in the few years I stopped playing I had really lost it. I'm not the type of person who can remain good at something if I'm not practicing all the time. Although I'm disappointed that I'm not anywhere near as good at playing as I used to be - about a year ago I started composing a song. A, as in one song. Which sounds strange that I would write only one song, if I was going to write at all - but every time I'd sit at the piano I'd play around with it - and it grew a lot over the year. I was really proud of it, and although it was simple I thought it was pretty.

Alright now awhile back, I had downloaded a couple of songs off of M83's album Saturdays = Youth, and a couple weeks ago I decided I liked those couple of songs a lot and wanted to finally listen to his entire album. As I'm listening, I hear this one song called "Too Late" and my heart just like, sank. The piano/keyboards in that song are almost IDENTICAL to some parts from my little song. I swear to you, I had never heard this song before a couple weeks ago. And it would melt your brain if you knew how similar they were. It's just so strange that something like this could've happened. Fucking universe. What kinda blows is that yeah it's like my song, but his is obviously way better.

The only person who's ever heard me play the song I'd written was my boyfriend, and he's heard it many times so he knows it pretty well. To test the theory that "Too Late" sounded just like mine and I wasn't nuts, I got him to sit down and listen to the M83 song and just asked him if it sounded familiar. It took him about a minute and I thought he wasn't going to make the comparison, but then he looked at me and said "Is that your song?"

So, here you go planet. I've written one song in my life and if you want to hear a better version of that song written by a different, more successful human being in what I guess should be a considered a freak coincidence, check it out here:



bah

Essentially, Keira Knightley is so freaking gorgeous - if my boyfriend left me for her I'd just be like "that's reasonable."

A review of "Dahmer", starring Jeremy Renner:


Who knew a movie about a serial killer could be so eff-ing boring!

To this day, one of my favorite things of all time has to be "Rocko's Modern Life". They simply don't make shows for kids anymore that are anything deeper than what you are actually looking at. This show used to joke about homosexuality, cults, addiction, politics, nudity, and literally the prospect of going to hell - and it was all created for the entertainment of children.

I went looking for this show on DVD, and ended up stumbling upon this website that had a list of all the episodes and short descriptions for each of them. As I was browsing some of them, I noticed that the general idea of each of these episodes is even more brilliant that I had even realized. Here are a couple of my favorite descriptions:


- "Heffer unknowingly trades his soul for an opportunity to be on a TV game show"
- "Filburt talks Rocko into going wig-snatching with him"
- "While helping Rocko make a video for his parents, Heffer and Filburt shoot footage of Rocko sleepwalking naked. When they give the footage to the Chameleon Brothers for editing, they edit together an Art-House video centering on Rocko's nudity"
- "Heffer wins a trip to Astro-Camp after participating in a talent show, but Heffer's dad won't let him go, since he thinks that burping his way to Astro-Camp is ridiculous"

Man, being a kid kind of blows now. Instead of all this cool shit, they just have... Gabba Gabba Goo or something or other.

At this point, I've been asked enough times "Why are you always taking pictures of yourself!" Either people find them on my camera or they see them as my default picture on facebook. They're usually insinuating that I'm lame because I do it, but I have my reasons. Which I will go into

right

now.

The digital camera age has been a gigantic help to me. To quote Cher from Clueless: "I don't trust mirrors". Sure I use them to get ready, but throughout my life there have been one too many times where I *think* I look one way, and then a picture will pop up of me and I'm like "COME ON!" My mascara will be up by my forehead - it's just a huge mess. So a few years ago I started realizing that pictures were the only way I was able to figure out these problems and that I needed to start taking pictures of myself after I get ready. Huge boost in morale. Seriously. Of course I have to take a couple from different angles, and I sit there making goofy faces while I'm trying to assess the situation. I end up deleting most of them DUHHH - but the ones I like? Yeah. Those definitely end up on facebook.

I'll also address why my default picture on facebook will almost always be a picture that I took myself. Plain and simple: I am NOT photogenic in a group setting. So duh, I'd love to use that picture of me in the bar holding up two drinks and winking - but I look like fucking Roseanne Barr in that picture. On a seriously rare occasion has someone been able to capture a decent picture of me in a casual setting. My question I have for you is simply this: Why would I use the picture where I look like garbage, but proves that I do things and have friends, when I can use the picture that's well, at least slightly better - and then you have to get to know me to see if I have any friends?

This stuff happens, I'm not devastated over it. But hopefully this has all shed some light. This is all done for mostly scientific reasons, I wish you would understand.

And now I will leave you with a montage of some of my famous "hey, how's my eyeliner!" pictures:


Being a girl blows.