I seriously hate finding old notebook/diaries that I used to write in when I was younger. They're not so much cute to read as they are just overwhelmingly mortifying. I only started actually having an ok personality around the time I hit college (and it ain't even that great now, amirite?). Before all that, I was a pretty awkward/unfunny individual. So back on topic, every once in awhile I'll stumble upon some old notebook I used to write in and it's always a cringe-worthy experience trying to flip through it. I used to have a terrible habit of starting a short story and then get about 4-5 pages in and just stop. You flip to the next page and there's just a different story there, but sometimes I'll just draw a big X at the bottom of the page - what I can only take to mean "hmm... this isn't working".
To give you a sample of the type of shit that used to actually come out of my brain, I recently found one particular notebook from 1999 (making me about 11 years old at the time).
Here's a letter-inside-a-story that I wrote for a short aptly titled "Paradise Island":
Dear Ms. Smith,
We would like to inform you about a new discovery in fun. It's called Paradise Island. It's where kids that are around your age can stay for summer vacation, but then you come back in time for school to start. The best part is it's absolutely free. Included is a map of how to get there and for any other information please call 1-800-Paradise-Island. Thank you.
Sincerely,
Martin McGrath
Manager and Founder of Paradise Island
I included a MAP showing you how to get there. A DISCOVERY IN FUN? I'm talking about it like it's SCIENCE! New development in cancer research? No. But we've figured out how to make fun MORE FUN. Other little things I enjoy: the founder made himself a manager, the phone number is about 7 digits too long. Not to mention how bizarre it is that this Martin McGrath character is offering free trips to young girls.
I also found another unfinished short story about this band that was really "popular" (whatever that means?). To make up for the story being terrible, I managed to come up with the most hardcore band name ever: Dragon Rage. So of course after I read the story, I totally looked Dragon Rage up to see if a band with that name actually exists. And the answer was more than I ever could have imagined:
Dragon Rage on Myspace
And I would assume that this is exactly what the Dragon Rage I dreamed up in my head would be like. Their about me: "We are the band Dragon Rage. We are the next great thing to happen to the world of music. We are currently not making any songs or albums. We are sorry for the inconvenience. We will be up and running as soon as we can."
