thanks!

Let me just apologize off the bat, and I know this can sound shocking, but I just don't find most babies to be cute. I think little kids can be cute - past the toddler stage because even toddlers are pushing it. What's nuts is I once heard that if you don't think babies are cute you will: be a horrible mother yourself, and I've even heard that it's the first sign that you don't have a soul?

Look, I'm sure if I were to have a kid, I would like it. Like, I seriously doubt I would reject it because I didn't find it cute. And I'm sure it would be a situation where I thought I somehow had the only cute baby on the planet, by some miracle. I'm pretty sure that's how this type of situation goes. At least, for my future children's sake I sincerely hope so.

It wasn't brought to my attention how much babies can freak me out until recently - when all these videos of babies dancing started popping up on the internet. Most people would gush about how cute it is and yada yada yada but watching these chubby little limbs move in these strange, unnatural ways seriously freaks the hell out of me. I'm literally more comfortable watching that creepy computer animated "ooga chakka" hooked on a feeling baby than I am watching actual babies dance. What's really weird is just how many videos of babies dancing to "Single Ladies" exist on the internet. This leads me to believe that countless parents forced their baby to dance to the song, sparking a popularity contest amongst babies which begs the question "Doesn't my baby look adorable dancing to Single Ladies!!!" It makes me think of parents like, rehearsing with their babies "nooo you have to shake your booty more!" Maybe this isn't how these types of situations go, but that's the first thing that comes to mind.

What frightens me about this one:

isn't that the baby is dancing on a wood table and could easily slip off, but that it moves way too much like an adult. It's almost human, but at the same time not? Because the limbs aren't really developed and you'd expect the baby to maybe flail around or even just sway or hop up and down but it actually has more coordination than many adults. I'm sorry I keep referring to the baby as an "it". Is it a boy or a girl? That's another thing with babies - who can tell!

So, of course I'll always tell you how cute your baby is. It's just social etiquette, I understand that. I'm probably lying - but I promise, it's absolutely nothing personal. I'm sure by people-with-souls standards, you do have an adorable baby.

I'm not sure anything fascinates me more than getting friend requests from fucking insane people. People you've never met that add you even though your status says that you are "in a relationship". I can't tell if they just like the high friend count? Or do they think this online relationship could blossom into a real life one? These are possibilities I've thought about, but am incapable of understanding.

I don't use myspace that often anymore, I usually log in once or twice every couple weeks, but I enjoy going through my friend requests and messages from these types of people. My favorite one that I've received lately is from a guy who refers to himself as "SaMe ShIt DiFFeReNt DaY!!!"

This is his "About Me" section, verbatim: "ok u wanna know about me well its really hard 4 me 2 trust females cause they play a shit load of head games so idk what else 2 say but fuck everyone even you !!!" His favorite music is hip hop and R&B and "none of that rock an roll shit". His favorite film is "The Day After Tomorrow". I had no idea it was possible for that to be anyone's favorite movie. When asked his favorite book, he responds: "who the fu*k has time 2 read a fuckin bull shit ass book when i can watch the fuckin movie about it". He also has his own name tattooed on him, pictures that he drew of girls eating each other out (they weren't bad sketches either), and pictures that he took of himself smoking weed.

I think this guy might be "the one".

I want to clear up that I'm in no way making fun of online dating. I think sites like match.com and eHarmony are fucking cool. There's absolutely no shame in trying to find someone that you can have a connection with even for like, a second. Everyone deserves an entire lifetime of those seconds. I am, however, making fun of the people who are clearly not interested in this, and go about life (and myspace) the way SaMe ShiT DiFfferent DAyyy does.

Alright, this is my first post and I don't want to make it a trend to talk about bad feelings and all, but this thing I'm about to talk about bugged me enough to make me write an entire blog entry about it.

I've been having insomnia and such the past couple months. I'll lay awake at night and think about anything and everything. It is the absolute worst way to spend your night. After the first couple weeks, my brain started to run out of things to even think about and starts jumping into hidden memories I had completely forgotten I even had.

Maybe a month ago I remembered this cartoon I saw when I was very young. I couldn't remember exactly how it went, but I knew it had to do with a cute little fox dying and then being a ghost? And it disturbed the hell out of me. I remember this cartoon seriously upsetting me as a child. It was one of those VHS tapes that has a bunch of old cartoons on them from like the 60s or 70s, I guess? I went looking for it in my house so I could see what was bothering me so much about it. When I couldn't find it, I literally googled "looney tunes ghost fox old cartoon" and was shocked when I found it almost immediately. Turns out it was an old episode in a series of Casper the Friendly Ghost cartoons and it was on youtube, of all places.

I swear to you, from about the first ten seconds in, I thought I was going to have a stroke. I could remember it as if I saw it last week. It starts off with Casper, not wanting to scare anyone so he's unable to identify with his own kind (the ghosts) so he decides to befriend some adorable (and alive) baby animals. However, the baby animals are terrified of this ghost. Understandable. But when Casper completely gives up hope, a cute little baby fox takes pity on him and they become best friends. Then a hunter and his dogs pass by and go after the fox - but Casper doesn't see (because they were playing Hide and Seek!) and they end up killing the fox! So Casper buries him, but then the fox comes back from the grave as a ghost so they remain best friends. As ghosts. Together. It's supposed to be a happy ending. It's not to me. I was absolutely bawling. I thought this was one of the saddest things I've ever seen.

If you feel inclined:


I mean seriously, just look at the preview picture for the video - as if that isn't enough devastation right there.
I wish I could figure out why this has such an awful effect on me. Maybe I'll think about that tonight.